Thoughts
Today is a
bad blue Monday. I hate Monday. I always feel stressed out after the chem tutorial and maths tutorial, especially due to the fact that I cannot follow the lesson coupled with the tiredness. Gosh I'm so paranoid this year. Last year, when I dunno how to do my maths tut, I'll just happily skip it and wait for the teacher to go through the solution, den happiliy copy copy copy.. Come to think of it, in fact, I always don't do my chem tutorial or I do a slip-shod work and tt's it. Now, I've changed for the better. I'm doing my chem tut, trying to do as much of the work as possible, not waiting to
copy copy copy ans in tut, but try to understand the lesson. But, as a result, I become so stressed up.Today's maths lesson was horrible. I was presenting the tut 19c qn 1. But I screwed up big time. I think Me Leow must be so pissed. Thankfully, he's in a rather good mood today. Here's what was going through my mind up there. I was busy trying to piece all the informartions on the book and trying to relate to the slides. And obviously, I failed. I forgot how I did the question. I was like shit cos the working on the slide was xuelian's. Her method was rather diff from mine. I immediately felt a plunge of fear, cos I had to pause many times to register what was on the slides. (I hadn't looked through it even ONCE). The class was like so quiet. They were waiting, Mr Leow was too, for my answer.
Immense pressure! He pointed out that I used the wrong term. shoots. I realise I've been using the wrong terms all the while, which I noe that he's very particular about. So I quickly corrected myself.For the second part, I called xuelian up to do that qn cos I didn;t noe how to do. She did a fantastic job, I must say. She knew her stuffs well. Here come the crux. For qn 3, I was already so high-strung that I even read the wrong question out. What the heck. What is coming over me? And there was still the silence in the room. It was like I couldn't deliver what the class wanted. I really was looking forward to presenting this question to the class cos this qn basically covers alot of the concept on planes. And I brooded over the question the entire night to arrive at the correct ans. Of course I'll be
eager to share. But now I feel so utterly
disappointed at myself. I'm perplexed also, I think
stress is getting the better of me. I am not at my optimal self. I definitely have the capacity to keep my cool and figure out the soln on the spot. But I didn't. In the end, Mr Leow had to come in to explain, cos he didn't want to waste anymore time having me to stand there, looking so
defeated. Finally, when I thought all crisis was over, I realised I lost my slides. I uttered these words resentfully and Mr Leow said forget it cos there was another class coming in. Damn. It was such a freaking bad presentation. I wasted everyone's time, and failed to deliver what I should have. Sorry friends for having to listen to my moanings after that. =(
Now I feel much better, after an invigorating power nap. SO I guess sleep deprivation is making me at my worst. I shall sleep more =). Anyway, today's GP lesson was ok. The entire GP lesson, mind you, 1 and a half hour, was taken up by nat's group. Haha.. Many of what they covered was relevant but it's just information overload and didn't register in my brain. My brain's like a almost permeable membrane, take in some filter out many more hahaa
very bio hor. =) Anwyay, I did took away something from the presentation.
US politics is sooo interesting but complexed at the same time. My sis told me their teacher didn;t do politics with them in JC cos it was too difficult. Understandable. I aspire to be a mature thinking adult like my GP tutor. She knows so much. Compared to me, the stuffs I noe don't even make up1/4 of what she knew. From the wway she speaks, You can see that she's so damn logical and clever. The way she speaks, so attention grabbing and provocating. I wish I could be like her man. That's what a
thinking and mature adult should be, highly informative and
having a mind of your own. =) I think
women who are confident and have a mind of their own are so cool.
I think coming to JC was a right choice I made. I've learnt so much more about the world as I've never had before. NOt exaggerating. I learnt alot about the world in History, GP and chinese lesson. It sorta opened up my eyes to becoming aware of the rest of the world.
WHo says JC is all about mugging?For those who've read up to this paragraph, give yourself a pat on the shoulder! I think this is the longest post I've ever written. Had so much thought cluttered in my mind today.
3:32 AM
